We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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