i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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