Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
