I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
