just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This house was built for laser tag.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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