ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
