Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
