I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
