The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
