i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
