You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
