Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
