We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am one with the molecules
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
