Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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