...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
