I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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