Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
