i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
