yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
