How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
