I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
