I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
