i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
