there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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