my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
