Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Four minutes until I can fart!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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