u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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