Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
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