So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
