Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
