You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
