Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
