I am in a vortex of obligation.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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