Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
