Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
