This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
