theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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