So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
