margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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