Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this will be a night to untag.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
