I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
