You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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