i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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