I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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