So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
