I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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