so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
