I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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