wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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