We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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