i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
