Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
