Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
