Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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